Keeping a relationship may be tough but sometimes dealing with a breakup is even tougher. You may want to talk to your ex after a breakup for various reasons. You must be cautious and intentional with your words, expressions or gestures if you want to win him back. Communication skills are important even when you just want to be friends with him.

How to Talk to an Ex Boyfriend


Start Small

Realize that many things have changed since you last spoke to him. Start small probably on social media. Send an email or a direct message and update him of some positive things that have happened in your life. Don't overdo it. Keep your message simple and friendly. Give your ex enough time to respond.


Prepare for a Negative Response

As you learn how to talk to an ex boyfriend, realize that he may react good or bad to your message. A breakup hits everyone hard in various ways and your ex may have dealt with bad emotions that you are unaware of. He may react negatively to your suggestions even when you have good intentions. Do not make a scene out of rejection. Think of possible reasons for his good and bad reactions and prepare a response to each reaction.


Be an Active Listener

Being an active listener means that you are aware of what the other person is telling you. Eliminate distractions that may take your attention away from your ex. You can practice active listening by repeating and summarizing what your ex says. Use your own words to make the meaning simpler and clearer. Avoid interrupting your ex when he is talking. Nod occasionally to encourage him to keep speaking. Ask questions if anything is unclear. Keep your questions open-ended and avoid accusations. Remember to empathize with his emotions.


Suggest an Activity to Do Together

If your ex seems interested in talking to you, suggest a meeting in one of the places that bring back good memories. Give several suggestions and allow him to pick one. If your relationship ends up in heated conflicts, consider meeting in a public place. You will control your emotions in such places. If your ex is unavailable to meet, give him a phone call. Besides, consider chatting on Skype especially if your ex is far. Skype is inexpensive, easy to use, and gives you an option of chatting with the camera off.


Avoid Arguments

You do not have to be right all the time and the two of you do not have to always agree with each other. The goal of initiating a conversation is not to start a debate where one person must win. Your goal is to have a positive and intelligent conversation where both of you enjoy yourself and have fun. Of course, you should be allowed to show your real emotions, but if he does or says something that annoys or frustrates you, think before acting out. Determine if his actions could be justified first.


Improve Your Self-Esteem

Take the breakup as an opportunity to improve and love yourself. Improving your self-esteem prepares you for a healthy and long-term relationship in the future. Recognize your talents and strengths and celebrate your accomplishments, even the small one. If you cannot recognize your strengths, ask your loved ones to share their thoughts of your positive traits. Remember to be thankful for everything you have. Consider taking medication that can reduce your stress levels and improve your life. Besides, you can seek professional help if you are suffering from anxiety or depression. 


Consult His Friends

Friends can always teach you how to talk to an ex boyfriend. Talk to his friends or mutual friends without his knowledge. Ask them if there is a chance that the two of you can get back together. You will also find out if he is willing to get back together with you or if he already has a new girlfriend. But do not solely rely on what his friends say because he may want you back without sharing it with his friends.


Apologize Where Necessary

Apologize if you did or said something that offended your ex or if you were absent when he needed you most. A sincere apology will help build your relationship. Do not just say that you are sorry for hurting him. Be specific about what you are apologizing for and mention the exact thing you did that hurt him. This shows that your apology is genuine and that you really have thought about what you are sorry for. Explain your actions and tell him that you have learnt from your mistakes.


Ensure He Understands What You Want

Keep your first meeting short and sweet, but be direct and clear about what you want. If you are not interested in get back together with him, just tell him that you miss the friendship even if your relationship did not work out. If you want to get your ex boyfriend back, then tell him you treasure all those sweet memories and miss his company. Sometimes, he may suggest going back to a sexual relationship or becoming friends with benefits. Decide if you want to proceed with such a relationship. Ensure that both of you are on the same page.


Realize When It Should Be Over

How to talk to an ex boyfriend if he has entered a new relationship? You should be happy for him if your ex tells you that he's dating someone else. If you are just friends, you should be free to talk about the people he's dating without feeling jealous. But if your first reaction is jealousy, withdraw from the friendship and remind yourself why your relationship with him did not work. Make a list of the traits you did not like about him if necessary.


Please Log In or add your name and email to post the comment.