You do not have to be perfect to be a good person. You will make unwise decisions, hurt those who love you, and say mean things to others. At times, you push too hard to get things working in your way. These things do not make us toxic but human. We learn and grow through our messes. Toxic people never learn from their mistakes. They never look back and apologize to those they hurt. If you think you may be toxic, you should learn to stop it and here are the methods.
How to Stop Being a Toxic Person
Look inward to identify all the toxic behaviors in you and start eliminating them. Engage in self-improvement activities and be proactive in protecting yourself against toxic behaviors and thoughts. You can listen to podcasts and read books that will help you improve. Do avoid hanging around toxic people and do not blame others for your behavior or play the victim. You must take full responsibility for your behaviors and try your best to change them.
Confront problems directly
Do not mumble or complain about others who have hurt you behind their backs. Instead, be courageous enough to have a difficult conversation with them, and share your feelings honestly. Whenever you start complaining, figure out a solution to distract you or vent your emotions because complaining leads to other toxic feelings including anger and bitterness.
The best way to break away from negative thought patterns is to be positive and practice gratitude.
Hang out with positive people and forgive those who have wronged you.
Practice kindness instead of feeling guilty.
Be grateful for what you have instead of complaining about what you do not have.
Stay positive is easier said than done but there is no excuse. Watch your mind and actively dismiss any negative thoughts that crop up.
Say thank you
If you want to learn how to stop being a toxic person, learn to appreciate others. Say "thank you" even when in a hurry or when do not feel like saying it aloud. You invite a toxic thought or approach every time you fail to say "thank you". But you can close an interaction in a healthy way by saying it.
Gossiping is like directing an exhaustion pipe to your neighbor’s house and pretending that you are not aware of it. And you direct toxic emissions to others every time you talk behind their back. And they will eventually discover that something is wrong and start looking for the source. Stop the gossip and stop poisoning others and yourself.
Live life without regrets
Whether you realize it or not, you affect those around you when you regret about stuff. Your regrets may not concern them but negatively affect their life, mood, attitude and thought. Staying attached to your past is like driving on a high speed lane at ten miles per hour. You inconvenience others who want to go faster and eventually the inconvenience becomes toxic.
How to Stop Being Toxic? Get Inspired by Others!
Therapy made me a better person
I was angrier than other teenagers but my mother did not believe in sharing secrets with strangers. My father suggested taking me to a therapist but she refused. My issues persisted in college and I decided to seek therapy. Then I found out that my childhood issues were the leading cause of my toxic behaviors. I have been going to therapy since then and it helps me heal from my past gradually. Besides, I am a member of a support group for controlling temper. Hearing other's stories, experiences and opinions really gives me a different perspective of life.
I started working out consistently
I sought therapy after college and my therapist prescribed Prozac and Adderall. The medication helped for a while but I soon realized they would not solve my problems. So I started practicing yoga, Pilates and other high intensity interval trainings. Amazingly, exercising gave me an endorphins rush. I felt content and beautiful after working out. You can get distracted easily from a new routine. Identify one practice or routine that satisfies you and keeps you motivated to exercise every day or week.
I quit drinking
I stopped drinking and attending parties with free alcohol and drugs. Instead, I attended art classes, exercised, and had brunch sans hangover. I started studying over the weekends and my college grades improved. Partying can drain your body and mind because alcohol interferes with your brain chemistry. Eventually, alcohol will make you unmotivated, aggressive, depressed and toxic. So quit drinking like I did.
I developed healthy relationships
I regret for ruining good relationships by flirting with my friends’ boyfriends. Therapy brought my selfish acts to light. I realized that I attracted toxic people because I was toxic, and had short-lived romantic relationships full of bickering and drama. After therapy, I felt great even though I had lost many friends over the years due to my stupidity. Now I'm kinda a good-tempered person and i'm seeking a long-term relationship to build a life.
I apologized for my toxic behavior
I began my recovery journey by taking responsibility of my mistakes. Looking back, I realized I had not been treating my friends fairly. It was difficult to apologize months and years after the friendships ended but it was so rewarding. Once you start apologizing, you realize that people are kind and forgiving. I lost the friendships but I gained a clear conscience after apologizing.
Focus on yourself
I could not be happy for anyone who shared good news with me. I even coveted my mother’s new car when I did not need one. I hated Zumba but resented my friend because she was good at it. My jealousy was passive and evident in all areas of my social life. I spent much time thinking about what other people had achieved instead focusing on my own happiness.
How to stop being a toxic person? Check your insecurities. I was insecure about my career and financial stability. This lack of success made me unable to celebrate other people’s achievements. With the help of therapist, family and my will power, I succeeded in shifting my focus back to myself and channeling my energy into productive thoughts.